


It's Not The Same

by amorluzymelodia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A little bit of self hate, mentions of homophobia but not a ton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 01:52:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7413916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorluzymelodia/pseuds/amorluzymelodia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader comes out as bisexual to Charlie and the boys</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not The Same

Whoever said coming out was easy has never had to do it. No amount of books or stories on the internet can prepare you for the way your hands will shake, the way you’ll try to hold back tears or the fear and anxiety of waiting for the person you’re telling to react. And no matter how much you prepare yourself, when your parents get angry and call you broken and a sinner…it will still hurt. 

So here you are, ten years later, twenty-eight years old and closeted…again. Not because you think there is anything shameful about being bisexual, because there isn’t. Not even because you’re that scared of your friends, but because you’re afraid of getting hurt again. Because no matter how much you try and tell yourself it doesn’t matter what they think, your parents’ rejection hurts down to your core. And it forced you back into the closet. 

Hunting was your sanctuary. You’d been doing it since you were twenty, when a local boy was killed by a werewolf and you took it upon yourself to solve the case. It was the one place where you could let everything out and—except for certain occasions—it was black and white. If it’s a monster, you kill it. Simple as that. You gank the creature, and go home for the night, maybe go out for a drink, actively denying that you’re checking out the waitress, or the way the bartender’s soft hand feels against yours when she hands you your check. 

You met Sam and Dean Winchester when you were hunting a leviathan. Of course you didn’t know it was leviathan at that point but with their help you beheaded the thing and buried the head in cement. They were loud and rambunctious and you could tell they came with their own baggage, but who didn’t? So when they offered to hunt with you for a while you agreed wholeheartedly. They introduced you to their angel-friend Castiel and most important, their friend Charlie. You knew she was gay just by looking at her. Not in a stereotyping way, just in a holy-crap she isn’t straight either! kind of way. And some part of you thought that maybe if you knew about her before she told you…maybe she knew about you too. 

Seeing Sam and Dean and how easily they interacted with Charlie made you realize they weren’t like your parents, and they didn’t have a problem with homosexuality. And if they didn’t have a problem with her being gay maybe they wouldn’t have a problem with you being bisexual. But there was still that little fear that maybe they wouldn’t understand, that maybe they would be just like your parents. And that fact kept you from coming out to them, though you got more comfortable with it yourself. You allowed yourself to check out the waitress or smile and flirt back with a cute girl on a case, along with the attractive check-in guy at the motel. But that couldn’t last forever. 

Charlie was the one to call you on it. But she did it nicely, as only Charlie can. You knew she wanted to demand you come out of the closet, throw a huge party and take you out on the town. But that wasn’t what you needed, wasn’t what you wanted. All you wanted was what you’d been denied by the only people you’d ever told, your parents. What you wanted was acceptance, a family to love you no matter what, to tell you they didn’t care who you loved, as long as that person treated you right and that you loved them. 

Which is just what Charlie had given you. She took you to coffee—such a normal task that you weren’t used to in the hunting life—and smiled kindly at you. 

“Y/N…” she said slowly. “I know.” 

You decided to play dumb, though your heart was racing a million miles an hour. 

“Know?” you asked. “Know what?” 

She sighed and reached out, squeezing your hand. “Look if you don’t want to tell me I won’t force it out of you but I’m sick of seeing you beating yourself up every time you think a girl is pretty. I just want you to know that I know and I’m here for you. Hell I’m the last person that’s going to judge you on something like this.” 

“Charlie I don’t—“ you began to tell her you didn’t know what she was talking about but she cut you off. 

“Look I said you don’t have to tell me but just don’t lie to me okay? You don’t have to say anything and we can pretend this conversation never happened, but just…don’t lie to me like you’re lying to yourself.” 

“I’m not lying to myself!” you said indignantly and she held up her hands in surrender. 

“Okay, maybe that’s not the right phrase.” She said. “But I see how guilty you get when you check out a girl, or flirt with one. And I’m telling you…the closet can be a lonely place.” 

You fiddled with your coffee cup for a few long minutes before speaking quietly—barely above a whisper. 

“My…my parents didn’t um—they didn’t react well when I told them.” You admitted shyly. “My mom told me being bisexual was on the same level as murder on a list of sins and my dad…” you took a deep breath, blinking back tears. “Well for the few years I lived with them after I told them he never failed to remind me how broken I am, how disgusting I am with my urges. That’s what he called it. Urges. Like it was something I could control. I got so tired of pretending around them that I left, but I guess the pretending stuck because I’ve been pretending ever since.” 

Charlie took your hands again and squeezed them lightly. “Well forgive me but your parents sound like royal assholes.” Charlie said vehemently. “How dare your mother say that murder and being bisexual are on the same plane..they aren’t at all! It’s not the same at all! And you aren’t broken, Y/N, no matter what your dad says.” She paused. “But can I ask you something?” you nodded. “Aren’t you tired of pretending?” she asked gently and you looked up at her, seeing nothing but understanding and kindness in her eyes; something you’d never seen in your parents’ eyes concerning this subject. 

You nodded, crying fully now and Charlie squeezed your hands tighter this time. 

“You don’t need to pretend around me,” she promised you. “I won’t ever judge you for this, and Sam and Dean won’t either. I mean Castiel’s an angel and he still won’t judge you! We all have things to be ashamed of, Y/N. But who you love shouldn’t be one of them.” 

“Should I t-tell them?” you asked, nervously and she shrugged. 

“I’m not gonna make you do anything but I think they would love to share this part of your life with you. We’re your family Y/N. We love you and we just want you to be happy.” 

And there it was, the words you’d wanted to hear your whole life, and had been denied by parents who were too blind to realize that this wasn’t a choice, or a sin, but a wonderful part of who you are a person. And finally, sitting here with Charlie telling you that there’s nothing wrong with you and that she loves you, makes you feel like you’ll be okay. So you take a deep breath and speak slowly and carefully. 

“Charlie,” you say as strongly as possible. “I’m bisexual.” 

She smiles bigger than you’ve ever seen and pats your hands. 

“Well,” she says and you see a glint of mischief in her eyes. “That’s good because I’m pretty sure the waitress is coming over here to give you her number.” 

And sure enough when you got the check there was a number written in swirly pink writing underneath her name. 

“Erin.” Charlie mused on the way back home, as you smiled down at the receipt. “Pretty name. But she’s gotta be up to standards if she’s gonna date you.” 

“What standards?” you laughed and Charlie just shrugged as she pulled into the bunker. 

“Well for you, my dear padawan she’s gotta be perfect!” Charlie laughed with you but your laughter died as you pulled up to the bunker and she killed the engine. You were suddenly very aware of what you were about to do and though you knew Sam, Dean and Castiel would be just as if not more supportive as Charlie you were still nervous. 

“C’mon,” Charlie said and you took a deep breath, following her into the bunker. 

“Guys!” Charlie called when you got inside. “C’mere! We’ve got news!” 

“A case?” Sam appeared out of the war room. 

“We’re out of beer!” Dean called as he came out of the kitchen, a bag of chips in hand. “What’s up girls? Y/N why do you look like you just saw Sammy without his hair product in?” 

“Shut up, jerk!” Sam spat and Dean threw chip at him. 

“Bitch.” He quipped. 

“Shut up both of you!” Charlie scolded them. “Y/N’s got news.” 

The boys seemed to realize how serious this was when they caught sight of your face. 

“What’s up Y/N/N?” Dean asked you took a deep breath, drawing strength from Charlie by your side and her assurance that they would take it well. 

“I’m bisexual.” You spat out and there was a brief moment of shock on the boys faces before Sam was smiling and Dean was laughing. 

“Finally!” Dean said and you were engulfed in a hug by the moose that was Sam Winchester. “I was wondering when you were going to tell us!” 

“You knew?” you demanded, though it was a bit muffled since you were still being hug-attacked by Sam. 

“Well yeah!” Dean cried. “Girl you check out girls more than I do!” 

“Thanks for telling us,” Sam whispered, kissing your temple and you hugged him tightly as Dean and Charlie joined in your group hug. 

“We love you no matter what, Y/N.” Sam told you. “We don’t care who you love, just that who you end up loving treats you right.” 

You were crying full on tears now but didn’t care. Because this was a safe space, this was where you belong. This was family. And it felt right.


End file.
